Frightened to tell the truth
To parties outside a perimeter
Of an ellipse that sings uncertainty
And beyond it lies a compromise
Of having no control over thoughts
And feelings not produced by that “I”,
Single-celled unit of a heart,
Beating, pumping, caffeinated blood
That strangles the stomach
And deprives itself of all nutrients,
Feeding off of panic in racing
Thoughts of destroying love
Only to imagine scenes of your
Abandonment, irrationally denying that
you are of the body of trust,
denying that you could ever understand
denying that I can let go of the history
that tells me I am too much
to handle by anyone, but conflicted
by my enlightenment, conflicted by knowing
the difference, conflicted by the obvious
reasons that force me to hide in
this dreary, self-absorbed circle, of
that I-in denial, awaiting the
hour where I will lay in your bed, revealing to you
the meaning behind the desperate
subtle hints that say, “I’m scared
today,” telling you it was just the
surface of the truth, presenting
this to let go of that “I” and
reenter familiar arms after having
and experience so profound that
I came to terms with compromise.
