Journal 4- Mr. Mell- Childhood (9-14-2004)

- My Childhood Strengths and Weaknesses -

As a child my life was scattered into many personalities. I always was a complex person and will probably be one until the day I die. Of coarse all people live their life on different levels, but for me I would have to say most of my time has been spent in an emotional level.

Growing up in a family where your parents did most of the talking gave me little time to express myself. My parents never really understood my unique emotional side and dismissed everything I said, and did so probably thinking, “Oh, he’s just 5 so nothing he does matters or makes sense.” Their closed minds pushed me into independence. From the time I was young all of my thoughts and emotions had to be kept private. Being independent was the only way for me to be expressive.

The problem was I became too independent. Never really having a friend until the 6th grade I spent most of my time doing my own thing in my own special chair. The hardest moments, though, was when I’d have to land the spaceship I was in, and come into reality. Having to answer for myself was my biggest weakness. When I was asked a question I tended to always smirk. It wasn’t a useful habit when it came to lying. I was many times falsely judged due to a little smile that cracked from my lips. It wasn’t because I was lying, but because I never understood what anyone was talking about. The real world became the fantasy since my emotional world of dreams, that distracted me from the pain, was my world.

It still lingers today as I get lost in art and music, but I’d never want it to change. Life’s too short to live in reality.